Apa Lagi, Makan Makan (What Else, Let’s Eat) by Dia Hakim Khaeri
Apa Lagi, Makan Makan (What Else, Let’s Eat)
A dining table. There are homely Hari Raya decorations strewn across the stage, snacks on the table. Nasi Goreng by Black Dog Bone underscores the emptiness of the set.
Lights up. DIA sits alone, dressed in baju melayu.
Nama aku? Dia. Dia. Dia. Tak. Tu nama aku. Nama aku Dia. /My name? Dia. Dia. Dia. That’s my name. My name is Dia.
They wait for a response.
Oh! Kau dah makan dah? / Have you eaten? Past lunchtime already. Nak kueh tak? Ada kueh tart, gula melaka, nutella tart… / Do you want kueh? I have [names of kueh]. A lot lah I order this year. Take lah!
They offer it to the audience.
Aku? Aku makan… / Me, I ate… Nasi padang. My go-to lah. Nasi padang is this flexible dish, right? And you can choose a variety of dishes – ranging from lauk, vegetables, processed meat.
I like to think of myself as an asam pedas expert. I can confidently say that I have tasted nearly every asam pedas on this Island. What. You think I’m lying?
The best nasi padang is at Fortune Centre. Syam Corners Muslim Food. Something just hits different with that makcik ah. Kawan aku cakap, pasal kasih sayang dia. Ye tak ye kot? / My friends say its because of her love. Tapi makciks kat hawker, / But makciks at hawkers, / if you didn’t have a mother figure in your life, assume that role very quickly. Dorang panggil aku sayang / they call me sayang and I immediately want to do chores for them forever.
But I love the Fortune Centre asam pedas. My personal combination of nasi padang is asam pedas, right on the rice – but I don’t take the fish. Tau, berdosa, tapi ni nasi padang aku kan! / I know it’s sinful but its my dish. And the entire appeal of Nasi Padang in the first place. I always ask for the lauk to be put on the rice first. I think it sets the tone for the dish quite well. Then my processed meat. Comfort food, you know. Hotdog or luncheon, yang mana belum habis. Cos of office workers ah. Sial. Sedangkan kau kerja dapat banyak gaji kau boleh habiskan? Like tinggalkan sikit ah bro. Ish. / Just because you have a good pay, means you can finish it? Leave some for us ah bro.
(Beat.)
I like… connecting my gender to inanimate objects. Not because I take it seriously. But I like knowing what it represents. My gender is a plate of nasi padang. Because you could put anything on the plate and it would still be the same. My gender is also kueh lapis. Sticky and malleable. Rainbow colored, too. My gender is also epok epok sardin. Brown, unsuspecting, but spicy bright red on the inside. Accidentally biting down onto a chilli, but not regretting it. Eh, they sell kueh at Syam Corner also, you know.
At nasi padang stalls, you need to clarify about which part of the ayam you want. I’ve noticed that when men run the stalls, they don’t ask. They kind of just want to get it over with. My chinese friend the other day also wanted a drumstick, but she didn’t ask, dia pon tak. / He also didn’t. So dia amek, tarok ketul, / So he took one, I think the wing, and placed it on the styrofoam box.
I remember it got a bit chaotic. We decided to dabao because the food court was too crowded. Dia bagi banyak sangat kuah lemak / He gave her too much kuah lemak—and it stained on her white shirt as she carried it by her side, leaking.
Sometimes it feels like that. Gender, I mean.
(Beat.)
Gender as in malu / shy
Gender as in minah*
Gender as in generational trauma
Gender as in kita dah cukup manis dah / we’re sweet enough
Gender as in isit kau orang Bissu? / are you part of the Bissu people?
Gender as in amboi amboi puteri melayu! Bersopan santun berbudi bahasa / oh you lovely malay princess, so well-mannered and well-read
Gender as in nasi padang without the “nasties”
Gender as in aku tinggal kat woodlands / i live in woodlands
Gender as in nama IC kau apa / what’s the name on your identity card
Gender as in generational poverty
Gender as in tak, aku orang melayu sial / no i’m a fucking malay
Gender as in matrep**
Gender as in then why your malay o level b4
Gender as in sesiapa yang / whoever accept your Grab request when you’re late for work
Gender as in your father and brothers with anger issues
Gender as in baju butterfly passed down from your grandmother to your mother to your sister to you
Gender as in sometimes I misgender myself on purpose, because I cannot control how people perceive me.
(Beat.)
Boleh nampak tak sekarang. Bazir yang kita kumpul. / Can you see now, the waste that is collected. That can easily be eclipsed by the word gender.
(Beat.)
Sorry. Kau nak air tak? / do you want water? I can get you water. I have… peach tea, lemon tea, strawberry tea also have! Take take. Air putih pon ada. / plain water also have. You want ice?
(Beat.)
You know, for must of us, when we are hungry… kita rasa / we feel nafsu. Desire. Because we deprive or cannot access ourselves of something we need to have, in order to survive. But nafsu is not that all complicated lah. Like I just told you. Sometimes… nafsu can be small. Like today, my nafsu is… I want to eat nutella tart. The whole jar. One by one. You would not be able to stop me once one is in my mouth. Macam ada dadah kat dalam. / like theres drugs inside. But other days, I desire for more.
I want Din Tai Fung chocolate dumplings. Even if I have to cross the causeway, diri dua jam untuk chop passport. I want the hot chocolate to burn my lips, spill on my hands, my fingers. It’s messy, and the only way to get it off is to shamefully lick it off my fingers. I have no shame. I have no dignity. Nafsu can consume me. My white shirt can get dirty too. I just want the dumplings. Aku nak semua tu untuk diri sendiri. Aku nak…. Aku nak…! / I want it all for myself. I want, I want
(Beat.)
Nafsu is not the same as joy. Bukan untuk aku lah. / not for me Joy is small. Joy is everywhere. Joy… is found, where you want it to be found. Kan? / right? But sometimes you cannot tell when joy and nafsu are different. Macam venn diagram that your secondary school teacher print for you in your prelim. Black and white konon. /bluff Ink rabak. / bad ink Tak boleh nampak pape pon. Patut la fail exam. Bukan aku yang nak gagal. Dorang pikir, aku tak boleh paham. Kau tak tau? Aku pon boleh pass laaaa. Pass exam. Pass as perempuan. Pass as lelaki. / Cannot see anything. That's why you fail your exams. Not like I want to fail. They think I cant understand. You don’t know? I can also pass lah. Pass my exam. Pass as a girl. Pass as a boy.
(Beat.)
Tapi exam mana boleh pass kalau tak tulis nama kat depan? Handwriting lawa lawa. Tapi nama dia kosong. /But how can you pass if you don't write your name in front? You have nice handwriting but the name is empty.
(Beat.)
You know once, a grab driver actually asked me about it. Dia cakap… betul eh, nama awak Dia? So I said, aah la. Tapi dia degil sikit. Pakcik-pakcik type. Bukan nama pendek? Dianah ke, Dinirah, Dina? Tak, aku cakap. Dia je. Wah, dia cakap. Mesti mak bapak sayang, bagi nama cantik untuk awak. Aku tau. Dia tak manis-manis. Tak kacau. Dia tau je. Tapi aku nak kau paham. Nama aku ni… dari sampul duit. Kasi kat diri sendiri! / He said, is it real? Your name being Dia? I said, yes. But he was a bit stubborn. Wow, he said. Not a shortform? Dianah, Dinirah, Dina? No, I said. Just Dia. Wow, he said again. Your parents must have really loved you to give you such a pretty name. I know. That he wasn’t being sweet. Or harassing me. He just knew. But I want you to understand. My name is from an envelope. That I gave myself! I hid $50 in it and I slid it in my pocket yet I jumped for joy when I got it. Because it was given to me with love. I chose the envelope. I saved the money. I don’t think I knew happiness until this name came to me.
(Beat.)
Kau pulak? Happy tak? Datang rumah I harini. Dah lah jalan jauh jauh. Sia-sia je. / How about you? You happy or not? Visiting my place today. You came from so far away.
(Beat.)
You know…maybe queer joy is actually Malay food.
Queer joy is a hari raya open house.
Queer joy is Hajjah Maimunah, with a new outlet in Yishun.
Queer joy is… eh, actually, Sorry. I didn’t catch your name! Siapa nama kau?
Blackout.
* Minah: Malay etymology from the name “Aminah”. It is also often representative of a rather coarse, Malay woman who does not act ladylike, is often crude and rough, dresses androgynously, and engages in “bad habits” such as drinking, smoking, drugs and tattoos. It is derogatory and misogynistic in nature.
**Matrep: Malay etymology from the name “Muhammad”, shortened to “Mat”. Usually in reference to a stereotypical Malay male delinquent from a lower class.
